I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
