i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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