Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Randomize
