Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
The best revenge is premature balding
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
try to milk me bitch
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