This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
