I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
