New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
