i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
