I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
