3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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