About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
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