i don't like sucking hair
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
