Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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