McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
