SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
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