been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
