You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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