He asked to "fluff my boner.."
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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