My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Text me some of your sweat
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
