Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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