I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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