So drunk its hurt
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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