An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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