how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Randomize
