i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
