How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
