Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
