toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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