Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
