every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
