My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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