The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
