Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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