there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
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