I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
