I must be too annoying 4 u.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
