I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Randomize
