Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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