You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize