I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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