her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
It's rum buckets o'clock
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize