so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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