no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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