and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
