Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
