This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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