I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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