It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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