im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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