Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
