just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
