So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
