Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
