Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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