They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
