Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Sorry my hands just texted you
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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