I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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