I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
