ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
