You smell like a Billy Joel song
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
