how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
i drank out of a bidet.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
