she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
