I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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