Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
