I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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