You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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