the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
