turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
