I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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