This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
