"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Your dad touched me again.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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