i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
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