Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
