every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
