And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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