Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
