Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
