The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
