She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
