I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize