True but thats because hes a fetus.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
