you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I have tasted many bathrooms
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
