moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
So vagazzling was a success
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
