I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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