No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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