So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
