somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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