Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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