Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
