i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
