First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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