if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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