The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Say something about gay babies.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
