There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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