I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
