is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize